Dyslexia: Part ONE... "The words make fun of me…"

When I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:10)

There is no fear where love exists. Rather, perfect love banishes fear.
(1 John 4:18)

But by God's grace I am what I am, and his grace shown to me was not wasted. Instead, I worked harder than all the others-not I, of course, but God's grace that was with me.
(1 Corinthians 15:10)

Barefoot Grace: when weakness, fear and trembling get inside love

“Please don’t call on me” the boy thought as he hid behind a girl sitting in front of him. It was a typical day in 6^th grade. A day like all others, except, today was reading day. It was a small class only 26 but the boy wished for one more person. All 25 had read. He had kept up and as always he was last. Peering through her pig tails the teacher's eye and his eye met. “Read the next 3 sentences?” His heart sank.

He looked at the book for a moment and slowly he flopped it open. As the book tipped and spread across his desk, the boy noted the texture and aged look of the book. To himself, he asked and pondered its own story... His mind sparked and in the time of a blink, he created and enjoyed a little story of how the book found its way to his desk. It had traveled the world from Topeka Kansas, where it was published, to the hands of a small missionary school in India. It was read by Tong Tong, an Indian boy, now fur trader. who sold it back to a literate sailor seeking education as well as adventure. Somehow it made the trek back to America and not just America but Georgia and not just Georgia but Macon Ga. Their it was found by His teacher and given to him.

He knew it was not a true story but anything was better then reading! His story was much more interesting than any story in the book. He laughed out loud at his train of inspiration, smiling big in satisfaction, before realizing the class was widely gaping at him, with looks that acted like "Crooked" road signs pointing him in the wrong direction. This was not the first time, there looks he knew all to well.

That one was “Idiot!”

Over there was “YOUR WEIRD!”

The row over, “PITTY”

His friends, “YOUR STUPID!”

Even the teacher though she tried to hide it silently stared in blind confusion, “YOU’RE HOPELESS.”

Returning to the book and settling himself the boy nervously thought “The book would help him? right?” Well traveled books are helpful? Right? They understand, right? The boy stared at the book as if waiting for it to talk to him. Hoping that somehow looking at the words long enough would make the confusion, empty spaces, and lost connections, go away, Fill up and reconnect. Yet the boy knew that reality was not in fanciful thinking and books did not help you read but are for reading. Waiting would only delay the inevitable.

In a voice projecting an apparent confidence, the boy read “THE…” The teacher stops him. "No. The word is 'A' " As He stared at the page he could hear the words laughing at him, slowly he realized it was the giggles of his class mates. "It is A." The teacher said sweetly amidst the giggles of the class.

“THE … Boy.. Wa.. Wal.. WALKS… The boy looks up for approval. The teacher nods as if to say good job. His eyes spark. He smiles and continues… “THE BOY WALKS ….. ME.. HO..” Laughter explodes out of the class filling the room with a condemning joy. Seeing he messed up somehow he quickly comes to his own defense. “ME HO.. It could be the name of a boy..... from china? Or.. Or.. something….”

The teacher stops him and the class, “The word is HOME…Dawson.. The word is Home.. Keep Reading.” He could hear some classmates deliberating behind him ...

“Think he will make it this time?"

"NO way! It will be over soon…He ant got it in him.. He’s Stupid! He said home backwards!"

"and upside down"

"Stupid!”

In the distance, some of the boys in the back began to softly chant "Noswad... Noswad... Noswad..." The teacher eyed them and the chanting quickly faded away.

After hearing the conversation the boy looked up at the teacher and resolutely said “Can I read now?” "We don't know!", a bodiless voice said and the class erupted again in laughter. The boy grits his teeth determined to make it to the last word. Looking at the page, there was a long pause the silence was palpable. Without lifting his head the boy spoke up, “I don’t know that word...” More laughter. The teacher warns the class.

The word is “FROM.”

The boy read, “THE BOY WALKED HOME FROM” … the teacher added “SCHOOL”. The boy repeated “SCHOOL.” More silence.

Slowly smiling as if he had just planned a brilliant escape the boy said, “OOOOH! “THE BOY WALKS HOME FROM SCHOOL!” “That reminds me, I did that yesterday; walked home from school. It was dry. I saw on the news that we may get some rain later in the week. What do you think?”

“I think you need to keep reading! Dawson.. read, NOW, please!” Ten minuets now have passed and the teacher's voice bristled with frustration.

Giggles of earlier now faded and the class rests in awkward silence and distracted laziness. Not giving up the boy said “THE BOY WALKS HOME FROM SCHOOL! .. A DAY...”

"No! Dawson! “THE!” It is 'the'….T.H.E! You can do this! Dawson!"

In a wispy voice that sounded of weakness but is really the strength of the soul grunting as it holds back a flood of pain, hurt, and tears, the boy said, "Yes ma'am, I'm trying.." After a deep breath, the boy again echoed the teacher “THE…” "THE D.. DA" As before he could hear the words laughing at him yet this time the class remained silent. On a frequency only he could hear the word secretly mocked him.

The boy read, “THE DAY…”

The words chanted…. “Dumb Dawson… Don’t know a thing.”

He kept reading “W… WA ... WAS…

“How Stupid are you? Rocks are smarter and more useful!”

The teacher said “HOT” The boy repeated “HOT.” “THE DAY WAS HOT.” Looking up, His lip trembled he knew it was taking to long. He knew his time was up, as if in slow motion the the teacher conceded.

“You can stop! Don’t go any further.”

Just then the words, the class, the room, the very air with one voice cried out,

“FAILURE! YOU’RE A FAILURE!”

The boy could almost taste the blackness. It happened, one tear hit the page.. The boy knew more were coming! He could feel them rising! He blurted out “Can I go to the bath room? Before the teacher could acknowledge him the boy darted out the door and down the hall. He ran. He ran Hard. He was always good at running. And when He ran, as it was said in a movie he would see many years later, He could feel God's pleasure. AS He ran He felt the pleasure of GOD. He kept running out the door and down to the gym.

Out running the tears,

Out running the words,

Out running the labels,

Out running himself.

Some say he has never stopped running. He never stopped pushing himself. He never stopped out running himself. But that day he did stop, he was stopped in his tracks when something his father told him came to mind. There in-between the gym and the classroom, almost a metaphor for his life, he remembered his dad’s words, “I love you, Mama Loves you and Jesus loves you that’s all that matters! When you know that, nothing can make you run!”

The Boy walked back to the class room just before entering the boy paused to tie his shoes, then decided to take them off. Anyway, He was not going anywhere. The boy could feel the cold painted concrete on his feet. They would not diminish his courage to finish. Shoes in hand, he entered a room full of "crooked" road signs but this time nothing would stop him, not even himself.

Seeing Life through tears is common for a dyslexic but overcoming fear by embracing weakness is the glory of a dyslexic. To this day, when the boy's feet feels the cold hard texture of painted concrete, he cant help but smile and be reminded of the courage that Love gives. One tear hit the page encapsulating one word. Inside a tear “the” can become an “A” and inside Love, fear can become courage.

"The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing weak, LD / Dyslexics face their fears everyday in school, thus are some of the fearless people I know."

- Girard Sagmiller

So Remember the spiritual lessons Dyslexia can teach.

1. Inside Love, fear can become courage.

2. The greatest and most controlling fear is the fear of not appearing weak.

3. Fighters are Runners remade by the grace of God. Fighters are Runners moved by the feel of barefoot grace.

4. The appearance of weakness is the truth of a believer. Courageously acknowledging personal weakness is the beauty of a believer. Overcome fear by embracing weakness is the glory of a believer.

Writers note - in the story above I tried to bring you into a world few understand. To show in some little slice the world as a dyslectic feels it. I was hoping to help people see through My eyes emotionally while gaining an understanding of the whole.

More importantly - showing the truth that moments of embarrassment can become moments of empowering grace. Such moments in life train us to understand just how divine strength squeaks through our weakness. It is my favorite paradox of grace - weakness is strength. Today a businessman or Political power player may tell you "weakness is just weakness, it will amount to pain, oppression, and rejection. Weak people are failures and will not make it in a dog eat dog world." Yet in God's kingdom courage only comes one way in the acknowledgment of your weakness and uncovering of your need for help. Such undressing of the soul before God is the door to acceptance, freedom, and hope. In such honesty, fields of grace open to you and the spiritual presence which clothes the soul in courage is personally disclosed in your weakness.

In the final analysis
To be perfictly clear the main point of this story was to remind us the greatest weakness of all is the fear of appearing weak but when we embrace our weakness through Truth, and Love - Grace empowers and overthrows all fear in a revolution of the heart.