God is around every corner

God is around every corner... Smiling. I forget that sometimes. Well, if truth be told I forget most of the time. Unless, I tie a string to my finger, with a neon bible flashing “read me” dangling from it. Or send myself an e-vite, an invitation to enter into the wonder of this God-with-me life, I have been so helplessly captured by. Then and only then I may remember. But I most likely will pass on God, click “some other time”, choosing a Christian life a little less dangerous and a little more in my own strength. Honestly, many times, I am just too busy doing stuff for him to care to be with him. In that habit, I show my great capacity for self-sufficiency – a tendency to live as if the good I do is of my own virtue. It is a mental trap that gets ants to think their giants and believers to think their strong. So quickly I forget but he is quick to remind. He reminds me in others, in his word, in the open beauty of life itself. He is around every corner and he is always smiling.

Yesterday, I turned the corner and there he was in the words of a child-prodigy painting hope on the canvas of this old soldier’s heart. I rested my heart and found shade under the almighty. Today he was around the corner from page 29 and i met him on page 30. It was, what I like to call a "suddenly"; when God swoops into your reality and things change. A "suddenly" like in Acts 2:1: "Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting." unlike Shakespeare’s Macbeth, this was Sound and furry, signifying something. It was My God coming in a ‘suddenly”, happily revealing to this old soldier, he ant through with him yet. For me no greater miracle, no deeper truth exists than He never stops working even when there’s a problem with the clay.

I was reading Brennan Manning's A glimpse of Jesus. This is what I read when the wind brushed my face. This is what I heard when God stepped down, and suddenly became my reality! In between the word, He was there molding changing making all things new and in between all things I rested in the water on my face and the fire in my soul. Manning writes of an experience that God let me enter into vicariously through Manning:

During an extended silent retreat in Tampa, Florida, some years ago, I was reading the Scriptures in my room at the Franciscan Retreat Center. The subtle dominion of self-hatred had returned, and I was back on the rollercoaster ride of perfectionist depression, neurotic guilt, and emotional instability. The despotic power of my idealized self and the nagging litany of 'I should have, I could have, I ought to have, Why didn't I? Why did I?' had persuaded me that my life and ministry were vitiated by vanity, insensitivity, and self-centeredness.

At that very moment Jesus set me free.

Praying over the passage of the washing of the feet (John 13:1-17), I suddenly transported in faith into the Upper Room, where I took Judas's place among the Twelve. The Servant, who had tied a towel around his waist, poured water from a pitcher into a copper basin and reached out to wash my feet (the dress and duty those of a slave). Involuntarily I pulled my foot back. I couldn't look at him. I had betrayed the vision, been unfaithful to my dream (an thus unfaithful to his plan for my life).

Sensing my dismay, he placed his hand on my knee and said, 'Brennan, do you know what these years together have meant to me? You were being held even when you didn't believe I was holding you. I love you, my friend.'

Tears rolled down my cheeks. 'But Lord, my sins, my repeated failures, my weaknesses….

'I understand. Brennan, I expected more failure from you than you expected from yourself.' He smiled . 'And you always came back. Nothing pleases me as much as when you trust me, when you allow that my compassion is bigger than your sinfulness.'

'But Jesus what about my irritating character defects - the boasting, the inflating of the truth, the pretense of being an intellectual, the impatience with people, and all the times I drank to excess?'

'What you are saying is true. But your love for me has never wavered: your heart has remained pure. What's more, even in the darkness and confusion, you've always done something that overshadowed all the rest. You were kind to sinners.'

I cried - so loudly that the retreatant in the adjacent room knocked on the door to ask if I was all right.

'Now I'll go,' Jesus said. 'I've just washed your feet. Do the same for others. Serve my people humbly and lovingly. You will find happiness if you do. Peace, my friend.'"

When the moment had finally passed and God sweetly lifted, with red eyes and a full heart I reached for what I always reach for, a pen and I wrote down these words…

Purifying fire
Even the fallen find rest, even the lonely know joy, even Jesus understands that when you run hard after Him, your own seeking can become the idol: A distraction pulling you away from looking to him. This Idolatry is loving Jesus in your own strength. It is worship of your service. Trying more than is asked of you; trying so very hard, trying to hard. While all the while enjoying little indulgences, little unclean freedoms, you give yourself as gifts for seeking so hard. Hiding them under the floorboards of your life justifying their presence by the existent of your devotion, convincing yourself they are well hidden even from God.

Oh GOD I am sorry! When strong grace is at the door I turn and walk away. Self-sufficient seeking to grow faster than the Spirit is willing to produce. So I strive in my strength, scrupulous analyzing to get it right, zealous activity before others, the seeing and doing from leanness of soul produces nothing more than dust and ash. The remnants of sins already purified.

So I rest in your work and trust in your working. It is here, in your rest, your secret gifts unfold to me. In this moment, I find beauty, truth and goodness greeting me like dear friends after a long absence. I find my heart’s home, my soul’s rest and you call me friend.

Cleansing water
So many times I forget my life is Jesus washing my feet. In all I do unclean, impure, imperfect, my Jesus is washing my feet. My problems, my pain, my rejections, are not mine, my Jesus is washing my feet. In my character deficiencies, my wayward heart, my unclean lips, my Jesus is washing my feet. My endurance, my compassion, my desire for justice and truth that so often violently arrests me, is not mine; my Jesus is washing my feet. In my unbelief, in my pride to prove myself to be more than my biology, in my anger when reading becomes public humiliation and words become the enemy; my Jesus is washing my feet. My determined love, my relentless seeking, my passionate expression, is not my own: my Jesus is washing my feet.

My hope, my life, my all, is Jesus washing my feet!
In victory or the valley it will always be Jesus washing my feet.

- In retropect -

I am just one in many that desire to abide in God’s empowering and redeeming grace. To all that read, know this is My God the one who takes a drug addicted jock and makes him a poet that lives to press in and touch the inner light of glory, returning with words that change lives. A God that take a people who can’t read or write and choosing them to bear the weight of his word, to be near to his whisper, effortlessly hearing, speaking, and bring the kingdom of God in a “Suddenly”.

There is a strength in dependence, a boldness in humility and a power in surrender, it is Jesus washing your feet.



Brennan Manning, A glimpse of Jesus: the stranger of self-hatred (Sanfrancisco: HaperSanFrancisco, 2003), 30-31

Little Lives and Big People in retrospect

Matt 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Imagine if you will, heaven in all its splendor and glory. We are there and Jesus has passed judgment on the darkness and all in it. All that remains is truth and light. Jesus has removed the darkness into the fire and now comes crowning time. The sea of people ripples with anticipation as He commands His angels to bring the multitude to order and in line. They do as He says, ordering and ushering two saints to the front. The first stands there in worshipful reverence. She is an older-looking lady, a grandmother of sorts. Her hair is grayed with wisdom, her small stout frame shaking in the presence of One so great.

The eyes of Jesus fall on her as He turns with crown in hand. His eyes go soft at the sight of her. Tears of heavenly sunlight run down the King’s smiling face. The day of His glory has finally come, for this is the day He reveals all of His LOVE and surpassing majesty to His children. This day He has so longed for has now come and all is ready for His decree. “Let all be New!” The sound rings forth as the word of God spoke! Like creation in ever increase, the hosts of heaven witness the newness of eternity. Never to grow dull is the day of the Lord. Never will the gold tarnish, or flesh decay. Only an ever increase of new life in holy love.

Jesus gestures for the older lady to step up before Him. He smiles the smile only a savior can show and with one gentle move He places the crown on her head. The moment is all Glory as the woman of God stands breathless. Eyes full of tears, Jesus wipes away one by one those Joy-filled drops which are never to cross her cheeks again. “Beloved,” He proclaims, “she preached the gospel and never said a word, for she was mute.” “Jesus,” she uttered as a look of jubilation erupted from her face. “Jesus, I so longed to say your name but it was not my lot.” Joyfully He spoke, “Now you may say it all you like!!” Turning to the crowd He explained, “Her alms were great, she gave all, only keeping just enough to stay alive. She lived a life so devoted to Me that without even a word being spoken, hearts were changed. She let Me make her weakness, her frailty, the strength of My power. Many came to know Me because of her witness of Me. She let Me make her life a beautiful picture of My heart. Because of that, many came needing what she had—Me, the Hope of glory and that is irresistible to the human soul.” Jesus pauses to look at the reflection of His likeness on the face of the humble saint, and after a moment He continues. “One such man was given only a glass of water and when asked why, a loving smile and a look to the sky was all My spirit needed to bring a hardened man of war to the God of his youth. That man became a servant of mine and showed many the narrow way. I gave inspiration to others for books and works, all from her witness. Because she sowed, many could reap.”

She whispered, “Beauty for ashes. Joy for mourning.” Jesus, fixing his gaze on her, took a long pause. He locked this moment away in His heart. Then leaning down eye to eye with her said, “I love your praise, It was worth it. How you begged Me by your longing to draw close, the righteousness that came as I drew near shown from you and changed the faith of millions.” Looking back to the saints He told them of her new name. It meant “beautiful in my eyes.”
Then like a proud father Jesus stated, “Well done My good and faithful servant. Enter into My beauty.” She paused and with sober determination she stepped back, kneeled, and laid her crown at His feet. “You’re the reason for it all! I am nothing! Without you, I am only incomplete.” The air of heaven grew rich with the love of eternity. Jesus, moved by the hand of devotion, called out, “Come, receive your treasure!” With that He reached out and she partook of the greatest treasure of heaven, the hug of Jesus.

Gal 5:6 All is VAIN except FAITH DISPLAYING ITSELF in LOVE!

Next came a young man full of life and anticipation. Jesus exploded into celebration at the sight of this saint. “I-I-wa-want-ted t-to!” Jesus gently put his fingers over the boy’s lips and then spoke, “Rest your soul,” He began. “He has spoken many words to me,” with a chuckle He turned and crowned Him a king of the King. All heaven cheered as the boy stood awestruck at the glory of Jesus. His heart overflowed with love and adoration. Jesus looked to him saying, “You will not stutter any more.” With that the boy burst into praise, and shouted, “Thank You Lord!” in a clear and distinct voice. The excitement flamed across the people in praise and adoration lifted to King Jesus. As He laughed at the joy on each face, Jesus raised His hand and with a reluctant gesture, settled the crowd saying, “There will be plenty of time for that.”
A hush fell over the crowd and then Jesus proclaimed “He talked to me, all the time. His prayers stirred me, such love!” He stopped to look at the boy. “He helped answer all the need for rain by praying for every dry place: He prayed my Spirit to move by saying”

The boy cut in gazing upon his love, “Thy kingdom come, They will be done.” Jesus, appearing startled by this, said “I have never heard you say it so fast.” He turned back to the crowd. “It took him hours to say that. One time he longed for the lost and in seven words laid the foundation for the Great Awakening.”

“You were my friend and I knew You could help,” the boy exclaimed. “I knew You would be patient with me, for I know You loved me.”

Jesus’ eyes swelled with tears once again. “You never once asked for a cure, never did you take the time to pray for yourself. You would spend days not eating just to talk. So joyful, you never knew your hunger.”

“You fed me and filled me up!” Jesus marveled at his child-like faith. “So full you were bubbling over with the joy and peace I gave. All scoffers and mockers did lay hold of you and tormented you, but you never let your tongue be used for evil.” The boy with tears muttered, “Your joy was my strength!”

Jesus began to wipe the tears away and told the saints of a time when the boy had cried out to Him for a woman he didn’t know. She was very sick and his heart was heavy for her. So he prayed through the night trying feverishly to get the name of that sickness over his fumbling tongue. “Why didn’t you just say heal her?” Jesus declared in a desperate tone.

The boy shrunk back, “You said be specific!” A deep laugh came from the belly of Jesus. “It was answered the minute you said Amen.”
“It was!!?” He said in astonishment.

“She also stands here now because of that prayer.” Jesus motioned to the sea of people pointing to a woman in the front. She stood with hands clasped at her heart as she mouthed the words “thank you.” The boy’s face gave off a humble twitch as he smiled and shyly said, “You’re welcome.”

Smiling, Jesus spoke, “That prayer had me almost in knots. His perseverance showed his measure of faith, and if I could have I would have come for him then. Beloved I love you all with the same love, but none has touched my heart like this little one.” To him, He lovingly said, “Great is your reward. Enter into my beauty.” In that moment the boy went to a familiar position, and as the name that once had come so hard now rolled off his tongue as smooth as it had his heart, he cast down his crown with a warrior’s cry shouting, “The Lamb of God is worthy and worthy to be praised!” Heaven’s assembly erupted again in agreement as he arose to claim the greatest Gift to ever be given to man — the embrace of Christ.

And the last shall be first and the first shall be last.