I shall be anointed with fresh oil.
Psalm 92:10b (KJV)
Imagine if you will a picture of a sun scorched land. Made arid and parched by the wind, dry and deselect by the ever consistent gaze of the sun. A picture so captivating just gazing on it makes your mouth dry. This is the picture I have found my heart in. Not by way of the Spirit’s discipline or the Son’s illusion of distance but as a kind reminder of the one thing I crave to live in. The one thing I have known in the shadows of days gone by. The only thing that makes me possible, that me that I know I can be, that me I am called to be. That one thing – and I have lived without it for what seems like so long.
The other day, I spoke with a friend in this conversation one phrase echoed in my heart. It reminded me of this lost reality. Like a doctor, his statement cut to the core diagnosing my heart’s deepest want and need. “That had oil on it!” My heart has ached and longed for wet days, to many words dry and brittle, too many sermons fueled by everything but fire! I want to read Ephesians again and cry like I did when with wet heart the truth of God’s choosing of me shook me to the core. He chose me, a poor boy who openly defied him. A bastered was called son. A broken useless pot called a precious possession of God. Yes, and I cried tears of unspeakable joy, with “how” on my lips and oil on my heart.
Many do not know nor do they understand, “Dawson can not be explained without the presence of the anointing.” Many see a brain – but they do not know the little boy of 19 reading on an 8th grade level. A little boy in love with God’s book but agonized over it, phrase by phrase, sentence by sentence. Frustrated and needy, a boy prayed, “Lord help me to read!” and in one year, reading one book, I found myself reading like a college freshman. I really am nothing without His help. When it’s not there it’s like working double for half the results. Many see a personality - A quick wit and charming banter can cover up much when life gets to close. Others see a jokester – to this one I say, “Hale to the clowns, for their masks are the laughter of others.” Anyone can cover up weakness, with the paint of a quirky way. Anyone can paint a smile on there face just to hide the weakness of there soul. I have learned that all three: intellect, personality, and entertainment are all counterfeit anointings, and seductive ones at that. They promise power but stop just short of fulfillment. They are to be channels for the anointing, tools we use not idols we follow, for they will never give the power needed. Many church bow at their alters, pay homage to their priests. When all the while God is waiting for people to just be themselves, week and needy, and find grace where grace can be found. Where are the artisans of life? Where are the people who have learned the art of being themselves?
I know me, I know the tortured soul I am me. I know the deep depths my sin can dive too. I know the pain and chaos I can stoop too. I also know, by way of a gracious God, the journey I am to live. Only in glimpses, mine you, but glimpses that keep me moving on.
I will say it. I want to be somebody but not as the world measures it. Some may call it dilutions of grandeur. I call it faith, not the faith to be famous on the contrary I only want to be known of in heaven and spoken of in hell. In the words of an old Cammen’s call song, “This world has nothing for me, and this world has everything, all that I ask for and nothing that I need.”
Honestly I have put in too much time! I can’t stop now! I am motivated by a force outside myself. Grace moves me! If I’m good at something, it is because I have worked my butt off to take hold of it! Yet, to take hold of anything it must be with oily hands. His grace must be present for me to accomplish anything. I am not even determined without him – I have learned in resent days that determination without the anointing is like a blast of hot air from opening an oven. It dries out all in its path. And so I long for the sweet oil, fresh and new. I long to see hearts changed and barren lands burst forth with life. I long to see a nation set free! I will live again in his anointing and not have to be given the hard reminder of a dry heart.
This is my education, My Christian PHD, which means POOR, HUNGRY and DRIVEN. I like how Paul, explains the place where His heart and God’s anointing intersect.
1 Cor. 15:10 (KJV)
But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
I like how the message translates it.
1 Cor. 15:10 (MsgB)
But because God was so gracious, so very generous, here I am. And I'm not about to let his grace go to waste. Haven't I worked hard trying to do more than any of the others? Even then, my work didn't amount to all that much. It was God giving me the work to do, God giving me the energy to do it.
That verse brings me to tears – every time I read it. I jump right in the words and find myself lost in its pages. When the work looks daunting, when I feel my brilliance burn bright as a 10 watt bulb, when quiet whispers fill the room as I read aloud, I will confess to myself, “by the grace of God I am what I am” For he fills my heart with fresh oil and uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise!
Remember fresh oil is for all, but it is not free, freely given but at a cost. May we all see our hearts softened by its tender application! The cost is a journey to ZION – that is a journey of trusting in only the LORD’s provision and relying on only the LORD’s protection. What I am saying is just this; I dare you to live dependant. Only then we will be the people of Jeremiah 31:12 and he will be our God.
Jeremiah 31:12 (MsgB)
The people will climb up Zion's slopes shouting with joy,
their faces beaming because of God's bounty—
Grain and wine and oil,
flocks of sheep, herds of cattle.
Their lives will be like a well-watered garden,
never again left to dry up.
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