God and I disagree. It is a lover’s quarrel. I like to think of myself as a academic. God likes to think of me as a mystic. I want to read Homer, he wants me to encounter him, pick up what I find and take it back to his people. (honestly, I live for such moments of grace, they are spirit and life to me) I am the kind of guy that prides himself on beng academic, thinking logically and clearly about any and all things. Yet, God made me (dyslexic) to see things just a little differently. I am a highly allegorical thinker finding connections where most see random causality (a good view of providence disavows such moments to be only 'random' but opens them to wider possibilities). When taken into the wind and kissed with the life of God's Spirit it can be moments of encouragement, and pictures that silently speak God's whispers of love and oversight.
On the Lonely Road
I had an experience today that was encouraging. Today (sep 12) is my birthday. I am not 33 years old, but my body and the calendar tell me I am. I like to say Im "turning Larry Bird" (basketball great who’s number was 33). I have not been looking forward to this day, where I saw myself at 33 is not where I now hang my 'existencal' hat. But on this day, the Lord reminded me that he is still the one that guides all history and places man where He wills. He alone is God and is not finished with little old-er me.
Here is how it played out.
Experience on the Road
At my aunts house for the weekend. Not much to do here so I when for a run, that quickly morphed into a fast walk, and then finally a quit stroll. I passed three horses grazing in a fenced in meadow. Down the road a family of deer, 4 at lest, darted in font of me. Each prancing down the meadow one after another. I smiled at there freedom and noted the graceful way they ran, a mix of control and abandon, mastery and recklessness. They run so wildly and free but there is controlled beauty in each stride.
I turned to continue on my way and something changed. In the heat of the day, i felt grace move on me and I stepped into something bigger than me. The moment became clear and still, like time took a break from ticking life away. The Lord was near. On the road with me in a dust and dry warmth of that Georgia road. He asked "what have you seen?" I said "horses and deer" He reminded me horses are a symbol of man-power and the flesh (Example - Egypt chariots where pulled by mighty horses). He reminded me deer are a symbol for those that seek after God.("As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalms 42:1) He gave me a challenge, a call to follow at all cost. He laid out grace to seek after God, depend on him and not seek strive in the flesh (Gal 5:1-22) or I would end up like the horses fenced in and not like the deer living free!
I walked on pondering these things. Up the road I saw something shimmer. It was laying just right of the middle of the road. Coming upon it I saw it was a quarter, and then two, then three, then four, then five, lastly i lifted my foot and there was number six. six quarters all together in the middle of a dirt road. Not in the ditch, Not mixed with pennies and dimes, six quarters all in a row.
Before i could think how odd, the Lord asked "How much CHANGE do you have?" I said "a buck 50". He said and I promise you it sounded like he was smirking. "John 1:50, Change is coming, and is already here, Dawson!" First off, I thought no chapter in john has over 45 verses. Curious, I put it in high gear to get back to the house, and in doing so got my exercise on! After water, air, more water and air (it was a long way home) I opened to the gospel of John and scanned the first chapter, 24, 36, 48, 49, 50! Hot dang there is a fifty. John 1:50 reads "Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that."
John 1:50 is the key verse in Jesus’ conversation with Nathaniel. A man that came to the Lord after a might prophetic experience.(Nat and I have some common ground). John 1:50, Jesus concludes his dialogue with Nathaniel, encouraging him with words of hope. Jesus knew God was not finished with Nat; there was more to come, much more! "You shall see greater things than that."
Like Nat, The Lord was encouraging me that he holds the future and is not done with me at 33. Change is coming! The day will dawn! I need only be ready by choosing to be the deer and seek him instead of strive in my own power.
Application
We all can draw courage from the truth: Christ sees us under our fig tree and He will see us through on the long lonely road!
I was also encouraged by what the puritan Matthew Henry wrote about this passage.
See the nature of true Christianity, it is following Jesus; devoting ourselves to him, and treading in his steps. Observe the objection Nathanael made. All who desire to profit by the word of God, must beware of prejudices against places, or denominations of men. They should examine for themselves, and they will sometimes find good where they looked for none. Many people are kept from the ways of religion by the unreasonable prejudices they conceive. The best way to remove false notions of religion, is to make trial of it. In Nathanael there was no guile. His profession was not hypocritical. He was not a dissembler, nor dishonest; he was a sound character, a really upright, godly man. Christ knows what men are indeed. Does He know us? Let us desire to know him. Let us seek and pray to be Israelites indeed, in whom is no guile; truly Christians, approved of Christ himself. Some things weak, imperfect, and sinful, are found in all, but hypocrisy belongs not to a believer's character. Jesus witnessed what passed when Nathanael was under the fig-tree. Probably he was then in fervent prayer, seeking direction as to the Hope and Consolation of Israel, where no human eye observed him. This showed him that our Lord knew the secrets of his heart. Through Christ we commune with, and benefit by the holy angels; and things in heaven and things on earth are reconciled and united together.
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